I was GRACED for 5
Marriage has been a wild journey . This journey has been full of lessons. I do not claim to be an expert. I would be selfish to not at least share the wisdom that I've gained so far. Each lesson was wrapped in a trial or obstacle. It was hard to be grateful during these times but looking back I realized some of the greatest treasures are hidden in the most obscure places. Marriage is God's secret weapon what is hidden in each individual union is the power to heal and overcome the enemy. It wasn't always easy for me to see but marriage is indeed a gift; how you view or handle said gift may determine the reward you will receive. Here are some lessons I've learned...
God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy? - Gary L. Thomas
I want you to let that sink in for a minute. Happiness is possible in marriage. God created marriage and it is good. The problem is many go into marriage with unrealistic expectations. Many get married not fully understanding God's intent for marriage. Marriage is a representation of the relationship between Christ and His Bride, the Church. Its not for a happily every after. It's a happily ever beginning. Marriage is a journey of two becoming one. If allowed there is a healing that can take place. It requires a level of sacrifice that transforms you into a new being. To be holy is to be set apart and different. Change is necessary growth is mandatory. Holiness is the result.
Happiness must be achieved internally before you can expect it externally. Will your spouse do things that make you happy absolutely! However, its not their responsibility to make you happy. It's yours, you have to be happy with you. If you are not happy with you it really doesn’t matter what others do because it will never be enough. Release the expectation that your spouse is going to always make you happy, they won't. If you are in a place where you are not happy in your relationship it's not on them it's on you. Get to the root of the unhappiness I promise it's not them it's you.
2. Get use to dying daily...
Marriage is not for the faint. What it really requires to be successful in marriage many are not willing to do. Either you die or the marriage will die. Marriage will expose you, the things you fail to deal with during your single season will show up. Are you willing to die to your flesh? Are you willing to put your spouse needs above your own. Is the need to be right really worth it? Marriage will expose how truly selfish we are. Paul said it best to live is to Christ to die is to gain (Philippians 1:21). Are you willing to take up your cross daily?
Recently I heard Pastor Tim Ross say something that really stuck with me. He basically said anything brought to the altar must die. The concept is on your wedding day you and your spouse stand at the altar and vow to give your lives to each other til death do you part. I don’t think many of us see it this way on the wedding day but the reality is when we walk down the aisle we are walking to the "ALTAR". By definition altar means "a usually raised structure or place on which sacrifices are offered;". How many really thought on your wedding day I'm giving my life as sacrifice? Thinking back to the day you were married did you realize the sacrifice that was required or were you focus on what you were getting out of the deal?
What in you must die so that your marriage can live? Is it pride? Fear? Selfishness? Self-Righteousness? Choose to kill your flesh daily.
3. You can't expect someone to do for you what you are not willing to do for yourself.
Like many others I came into marriage with subconscious expectations for voids to be filled. Voids that only God can really fill. We expect things from others but have we truly mastered it ourselves? How would you respond if someone talked negatively about you? Yet its okay for you to talk negatively about yourself? Either way is wrong and should not be tolerated. Jesus said the greatest commandment is to love (Luke 10:27). We are called to love God with our entire being and to love others as we love ourselves. The last part is very important; as we love ourselves. This part is often overlooked as we are sometimes our biggest critic and our own worst enemy. I found my self in a place where I was complaining about the things I was not getting from my husband and during therapy coming to a realization that I don’t even do that for myself. How can I expect my husband to speak my love language when I don’t even speak my love language to myself?
It's really hypocritical when you think about it. Here I am pointing out things my husband don’t do when I don’t do them either. My eyes were opened I've been neglecting myself. I had to get to a place where I love me better than anyone else can. It starts with me. You train people on how to treat you by how you treat yourself. Love you better than anyone else can.
4. Mirror mirror on the wall.... Marriage is the mirror
Prior to marriage I may have heard the expression marriage is a mirror. Now with 4 years under my belt I really see what they meant. Marriage is like the super magnified mirrors where you see every pore. Each person is so focused on the others flaws and short comings. What's amazing is how we can see anything with our own planks in our eyes. Every speck we see we are quick to point out but overlook the fact that we are guilty of the very same thing. Is it possible the very thing we see in our spouse is God's way of highlighting areas he is calling us to work on? Absolutely! The mirror will quickly reveal just how much you and your spouse is alike. If you don’t want your flaws or weaknesses exposed, don’t get married. If you are not willing to grow and be stretched, just don’t do it. Your marriage will be a reflection don’t ignore what you see.
5. The gift that keeps on giving…Marriage is a gift
It took me 5 years to see my marriage as a gift. If I can be honest in the beginning I focused on what was missing or what was not going right. I neglected what God was doing for me in the midst of it all. God saved me from me and He used my marriage to do it. From the outside looking in I can see how many will look and my marriage and question where the gift is. The level of healing and self discovery that I've been through is by far the greatest gift I've received. And I expect even more gifts. Can you see the treasure even in the trials? Or do you only recognize them when its going good? What the enemy meant for evil God worked it out for my good. Where I stand today knowing how everything turned out I would absolutely still say yes to my husband. There were too many gems received to throw it all out with the bad. In the discovery process of seeing my marriage as a gift I also recognize the gift that I am and the gift my husband is to me. I thank God for my husband the woman I am today would not be without him. Be intentional about seeing the gift in your marriage.